This part of my story all started with feeling a lump and immediately having my stomach drop with an intuitive feeling of doom. It was 2021, the year after the pandemic began, and also one of the most stressful times of my life. After several months of waiting for a diagnostic mammogram - I finally received the dreaded diagnosis of breast cancer that was confirmed with a biopsy. Due to the size and location of the tumors, I had a double mastectomy and miraculously was able to avoid chemotherapy and radiation. What I was not prepared for, however, was the debilitating side effects from the endocrine therapy that I was recommended to stay on for 5-10 years. I was also not prepared for the lingering fear and hyper-vigilance that became near-constant companions as I navigated this foreign terrain of survivorship. How can I ever trust my body again? How long do I have before it comes back? Is this really just a headache from the medication, or is this a symptom of a brain metastasis? How can I get back to my normal levels of functioning when I am on medication that helps to keep me in remission but also gives me disabling side effects?

A cancer diagnosis is not something I would wish on anyone… and yet according to the American Cancer Society, one in three women and one in two men will be diagnosed with cancer in their lifetimes. Although most of these diagnoses will occur after the age of 65, there is a startling trend in cancer occurrence in younger populations. The global incidence of early-onset cancer (those diagnosed <50 years old), has increased by nearly 80% between the years of 1990-2019! So more people now than ever are being diagnosed at much earlier ages, and often with more aggressive cancers which require harsher treatments. The fallout from these treatments and the tentative longer follow-up period of survivorship in these younger cancer patients can greatly alter the course and quality of their lives. There are not only outward physical challenges to contend with, but oftentimes more insidious and debilitating mental, emotional, and existential hurdles which one faces after a cancer diagnosis. What can make this dilemma even more deleterious, is the absence of social and emotional support especially since being diagnosed with a life-threatening illness can feel so isolating. A cancer diagnosis is like an abduction from a planet and a former self that was once familiar and safe. How do you ever get back to a feeling of safety and security within your own skin?

After the initial shock of getting diagnosed, my family and I were in crisis mode and were seeking out mental health support for the three of us. Had we all gone to therapy once a week, our out-of-pocket costs would have been just shy of $500 a week. This was way outside of what we could afford, so we found a lovely therapist who offered a sliding scale fee for our teen daughter, and I was able to see a therapist a couple of times a month. This later would still prove to be unsustainable, especially since I was no longer working full time and supplementing my part time income with disability benefits. What I would soon stumble upon, however, was a free support group of sorts that would help me on my path to healing and acceptance.

In January of 2022 I joined a ‘Living with Cancer Healing Circle’ and about a year later, I trained to become a host. I am still involved in this incredible organization and I continue to show up to our weekly virtual circles as both a participant and as a host. A fundamental premise is that we heal in community. Often it is not advice or even a cure that is healing - but the very act of being present with one another and bearing witness to each others’ way of making sense and meaning from navigating the liminal space of living with a heightened sense of one’s own mortality in view.

While Healing Circles and similar social support groups are not substitutes for professional mental health support, they may provide a much-needed sense of community and companionship with others who know what its like to navigate sleepless nights awaiting results from scans.